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[personal profile] neshomeh
In light of recent news about LJ moving all its data to servers in Russia, I've decided to move my journal here, and maybe even use it again. We'll see. I do find that it's interesting to look back on my previous entries and see what I was thinking at the time (insofar as I actually say, without leaving maddening gaps the contents of which I no longer recall), but I still hesitate to spend a lot of time just vomiting my train of thought onto the Internet. I'm pretty sure very few people care for brain vomit.

What I'm thinking about right now is initiative and ambition. I have never had very much of either, and I've managed to sidle through life without them for 31 years, but now I'm in a job where I am expected to show initiative, and I have not the slightest idea where to find any. I care about this job, and want to do well in it, but I'm a little afraid I am just incapable and therefore not the right person for it.

To add insult to injury, I'm facing some of the same problems I faced back in middle school, such as being too willing to read my book when I ought to be finding some way to stay engaged and, in my boss's words, "create energy." I don't think my boss will actually ban me from bringing a book, like my teachers did back then, but it's a little humiliating to think that I've changed so little as to raise the thought.

I don't know how to create energy, though. Most of my efforts over the years have been toward conserving energy, because I've never felt like I had enough to go around.
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