Jul. 13th, 2006 02:02 pm
neshomeh: (Default)
[personal profile] neshomeh
I snurched this from Twiggy (user cazrolime):

I am 100% likely to survive a zombie pirate attack!

Would you survive a zombie pirate attack?
Find out if YOU can survive at Shiver My Timber-- A Pirate RPG.

I don't get it. I have no weapons, no skills, and I'm not a Jedi or anything cool like that. For "which describes you best," I picked "Normal guy cursed by endless bad luck." I'd include the whole thing, but I don't know how to do cuts yet.


1. Do you have prior experience with zombies?
x Yes.

2. Do you have prior experience with pirates?
x No.

3. Do you now, or have you ever, worn a red shirt?
x No.

4. If confronted with a ship of zombie pirates, what are you more likely to do?
x Run away.
   Offer them some rum.

5. Are you yourself a zombie?
x No.

6. Are you a pirate?
x No.

7. Can you identify a zombie pirate on sight?
x Yes.

8. Do you consider yourself to be extremely naive?
x No.

9. Are you trained in hand-to-hand combat?
x No.

10. Do you possess an intimate knowledge of explosives?
x No.

11. Do you own any of the following?
   Flintlock Pistol?
   Flintlock pistol that is likely to backfire?
   Submachine gun?
   Semi-automatic rifle?
   Portable cannon?
   Excessive amount of rum?

12. On a scale of one to five, how juicy and delicious is your brain?
   1 - My brain is dry and rancid.
   2 - A bit chewy. Could use more flavor.
   3 - It's not too bad, actually.
x 4 - I have a USDA Grade A choice brain.
   5 - There is an entire episode of Iron Chef dedicated to cooking with my brain.
   Other - It's too rum-soaked to tell.

13. Which of the following statements most closely describes you?
   Governor's daughter
   Texas Ranger
   Badass Jedi Master
x Normal guy cursed by endless bad luck
   Expert blacksmith who inexplicably spends all his time making weapons
   Teenaged virgin ex-slave daughter of a renowned piratess/assassin who is an expert in rapiers and throwing knives
   The Saviour of Mankind

13. Are you an expert in any form of Martial Art?
x No
   I am a badass Jedi Master, I don't need no Martial Arts

15. Do you often find yourself cast in a romantic relationship?
x No

16. If attacked by an angry hoarde of zombie pirates, what would you be most likely to shout?
   "Aha! You'll remember this as the day that you almost caught --!" *mangled screaming as you fall off a bridge*
   "You have the right to remain silent, you zombie bastard!"
   "Time to unleash some Biblical-style justice!"
   I do not shout. The peace of falling snow brings serenity to the savaged mind.

17. Do your friends, family, and random acquaintances ever get killed in your place for seemingly no reason?
x No

18. Are you ever tempted by the idea of dying a tragic martyr's death?
x No

19. If death is imminent, would you consider letting yourself be turned into a zombie as a last resort?
x No

20. The zombie pirates agree to negotiate for your life. Your best offer is:
   You can take me, but Elizabeth goes free!
x I don't negotiate with zombie pirates! I just shoot them!
   Twenty-five. And I'll buy you a hat. A really big one!
   Oh, please, zombie pirates! Let me go! The world will be a sad and dreary place without my infinite beauty to illuminate it!
   This is my blood. He who drinketh from this cup shall have everlasting life.
   Go ahead and eat me. The English Navy is already on their way for your undead corpses.
   You can have lifetime supply of Apollo candy bars and $108 million!
   To bring to bear the horn of the antelope would only silence the raging river.

21. Are you prone to speaking in haiku?
x No

22. What is your secret weapon?
   My sword
x My wits
   My unworldly beauty and expertise in fifty-seven different kinds of martial arts
   My bad-ass lightsaber
   My roundhouse kick to the face
   The Old Testament
   The Numbers
   I do not need weapons. The dog barks softly at the bare new moon.

23. The zombie pirates are winning, and it is time to make your last stand. Which location do you choose?
   The forecastle.
   The main deck.
   Aloft in the rigging.
   The Hatch.
x The quarterdeck. That's where they keep all the gunpowder.
    The galley. That's where they keep all the knives.
   Steerage. If it looks like I'm losing, at least I can use the extra ropes to hang myself.
   With the alcohol stores. Who needs gunpowder when you can use exploding caskets of rum?

24. In the event that the zombie pirates triumph and turn you into one of them, whose brain would you choose to eat first?
   Commodore Norrington
   Darth Sidious
x Judas of Iscariot
   Ana-Lucia Cortez
   I would die tragically before I would ever be turned into a zombie!

I suppose I'm getting by on wits alone, or something...
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
Account name:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.


Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

April 2017

1617181920 2122

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 24th, 2017 09:01 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios